Dear Thalia
by wattamelon19
Summary: Do you think people can hear you if you write them a letter?


**A/N: Listen to the song **_**Wrapped in Your Arms**_** by Fireflight while reading this.**

_**And I'm here to stay**_

_**Nothing can separate us**_

_**Wrapped in your arms, I'm home.**_

**August 17****th****- The War continues**

Dear Thalia,

People say that nothing feels like love. Love is different- it never changes, never leaves, never doubts or fears. It's happy. It's mad. Angry, fierce, desire, longing. Peace, gentleness, _light_.

It's raining right now. Absolutely pouring as I try to fit these words onto this tiny sheet of paper with my awful handwriting. I've given up trying to stay dry; instead I'm using my body as a shield to keep this dry so maybe you'll get a chance to read it after I die. I'm holding Kronos at bay right now. I'm in control of my body for the time being.

Yes, I know I'm going to die. I've made up my mind, Thalia, and no matter how much you protest; you know it's the right thing to do. There's no way for me to stop him unless we both die. But no worries. I'm going to try for rebirth like I always said I would do. Maybe Hermes will be proud of me.

Thals (sorry for the nickname. I couldn't help it. Please don't come to the Underworld and slap me.), I want you to promise me something. I want you to look for me in my next life. You don't have to talk to me or even wave. We both know that I won't remember this life, or you. I just want you to see me, and me to see you. That's all I ask. Please do it.

Do you know what? During this entire adventure, my betrayal and hatred, I've managed to find the true meaning of love? I never thought I would. And no, I don't mean the love I feel for you, though you cannot imagine how much I do love you. But I'll get to that later.

This world is crazy enough, isn't it? Greek gods and Titans and monsters haunting us everywhere we go. It's trash. Baggage. I had gotten so lost in it all that everything was evil. Everything. I'm ashamed to say that I thought you were evil, too. Just because you weren't on my side I hated you. I hated everything, and I didn't even know it.

I'm not sure when I started searching for something more. It was after Kronos had taken over my body- that much I know. It made it so much harder that way. Especially because, when he has control, my brain has no power over his. It was kind of like trying to breath underwater without the help of Percy Jackson.

But then, one day, there was this demigod. Her name was Anna. She had come to us of her own accord- she wasn't from either one of the Greek or Roman camps.

Do you know why she boarded the Princess Andromeda? Can you guess, Thalia? I'm sure you can. You tried to talk to me about Him one day too. I think I cut you with a sword and said I didn't care.

She said that there was another God, only this one actually loved me. And I thought, _loved me_?_ That's impossible_. _Nobody loves me_. _I'm Luke Castellan. Even my own parents couldn't stand to be around me_. But I was so desperate. I felt…frayed. There's no other word to describe it. My entire life was a thread, slowly coming unraveled from the blanket it was so gently sewn onto.

So I took control. I pushed Kronos out of my body, out of my mind, for the first time since I had allowed him in. And I listened to Anna.

She said that God created me and He loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. The Son's name is Jesus, Thalia. And every bad thing I've done, every person I've killed and lie I've told and my extensive list of betrayals- Jesus doesn't see that. He sees me. The real me. The version of me that is writing this letter to you.

I asked Anna if she thought I loved Jesus. She said that if I felt something in my chest, if I was really curious about Him, then I did. And then the weirdest thing happened.

I cried. I cried enough to make this persistent rainstorm that is determined to wet this letter. I don't know why I cried; it was the happiest I had ever felt. I felt like something more powerful than Zeus or Kronos will ever be actually loved me. There was no more wrongs or rights. No more hate, no more evil. There was this lightness in my chest that had never been there before. I didn't know what to think, except for these three words kept repeating themselves in my mind: _I am loved. I am loved. I am loved._

I was saved that day. As in, when I'm done being reborn and living my three lives and whatnot, I'll skip out on the isles of the blest. Forget that. I'm going to Heaven. I think God wants me to go to the Underworld first, though. Because in my next life, I won't be controlled by rage. I'll be controlled by love, and He wants to give me a chance to experience that before I go to heaven.

After that Kronos took back over my mind. I was stronger than before, though. He didn't have complete control. That was when I got the idea to kill us both. Kronos couldn't live; he was too evil.

I've got a question.

Do you remember that day? The one on the lake, when it was raining, just like it is right now? It was January, and we were in South Carolina. It was just the two of us, and you were wearing my Flyleaf t-shirt and those bright pink shorts you hated so much.

That was the day that I realized exactly how beautiful you were. You were (and still are) gorgeous, Thals. Maybe it was how my shirt was several sizes too big on you, or maybe it was the way it stuck to your skin after we had stood outside long enough to get drenched. I remember marveling at how you could make a t-shirt the sexiest thing in the world. And I'm talking about the classy kind of sexy, not the other kind.

I decided right then and there that if I didn't kiss you just once, I might as well die. You know that I was never one to doubt myself. I'm Luke Castellan. I excel at all things dealing with girls and sword fighting. I had kissed girls before. Multiple times. But, (and yeah, I know this is cheesy but it's TRUE so you cannot laugh. Giggling isn't permitted either.) I got so nervous before kissing you that I almost talked myself out of it.

What if you zapped me?

What if you pushed me in the lake? Hypothermia wasn't a good thing for teenage runaways to get.

What if you didn't like me anymore?

What if you didn't like me anymore?

_What if you didn't like me anymore_?

Maybe you thought that I had been quiet for too long and that was why you decided to hug me. All I know is that when you wrapped your arms around my neck, my stomach flipped in the strangest way.

Was that supposed to happen? It certainly never had before.

I found myself focusing on every little thing about you I had never noticed before, like how your eyelashes were really long. The teeny freckles you had across your nose. The fact that I was so much taller than you and your head came up to just below my chin.

Did you feel it too, or was it just me? Did you feel complete like I did when I held you? Did you ever want me to let you go?

I think you felt it, because when I finally did kiss you, you kissed me back. For quite a long time.

**August 18****th****- The last day**

I'm going to die today. Don't ask how I know it. I just have a feeling, kind of a heaviness weighing on my chest. It isn't raining anymore, so this portion of your letter will be much easier to read than the first part.

Do you think that Percy will give this to you if I slip it to him before I kill myself? I hope so.

I really messed up, didn't I? I left you. I _left_ you and you became a Hunter. No boyfriends or love or romance for you. I would almost feel better if you did have a boyfriend, someone who'll kiss you at night and mess up your hair when you don't want him to. Someone that you can zap when you get mad. Someone that will think you are beautiful, just like I do.

Because if you did have someone like that, I wouldn't feel as bad for doing this, and I think you know exactly what I'm going to say. And yes, it involves your middle name. The one that I promised never to say again because you despise it.

Thalia _Eileen_ Grace. I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul and every single part of my body and you have to know that before I die. You have to know that, as I'm writing this, tears are pouring down my face and I can't stop them because I know I'll never get to kiss you or touch you or make you smile ever again. I won't get to see your little lightning shaped scar on your thigh anymore, I won't get to hear your laugh, or get to listen to you rant on about how nuclear power plants are evil. I miss you and I don't want to die. I don't want to lose you.

Maybe Hades will let me visit you, just once. Just so I can ask if you got this letter.

I'm going to wait on you in heaven, after we both die. God will come up to me with you and you'll be wearing a white dress, and you'll forget about being an eternal maiden because the only reason you became one in the first place is because I broke my promise to you. And we will be with each other forever.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

If I say it one more time, will you believe me? Can you ever forgive me for breaking every single promise I ever made to you?

I love you.

I love you.

This is it, Thalia. I won't see you again on earth. Not as Luke Castellan. I'll be the reborn version of myself, the one that doesn't remember writing this letter to you.

I hope you don't mind that I told the demigods I trained before I joined with Kronos that you were my fiancée. It just felt right. I even have a ring. I'll put it inside of the envelope with this letter. It's silver and has a lightning bolt and a sword on it. I hope you like it, because you said you would marry me one day. I'm counting that as a real proposal, even though it was a joke at the time.

Before I go, I have one more thing to tell you.

When I kissed you that night, I was home.

Bye, Thals.


End file.
